What does Kipnis think about the meaning of adultery and mid-life crisis? In Kipnis’ opinion, what kind of evidence is this phenomenon?

Love is a powerful force in our lives. We consider ourselves failures when we fail to achieve love. It is almost impossible for couples to live up to or exceed the romantic expectations that society has for love. Some historians believe that this romanticized view of love today was not learned until the 18th century. The romantic age of the 18th Century and our love of reading novels are responsible for most of the things we think of as love today. This romanticized view created an idea of expectations which are impossible to achieve but must be. Kipnis believes that adultery, and mid-life crisis are rebellious breaks from the domestic confinement of love caused by these expectations. These are now proof that monogamy is sustainable and how society’s beliefs have affected it.

Kipnis describes the modern love ideal as being unsustainable and impossible. She claims that today, the search for romance is so necessary that it would rank high in our list of anxieties. She suggests that this was not the norm for Greeks. Kipnis notes that society began to expect romance and sexual attraction to last a lifetime despite the fact that there is no hard evidence that it can. It’s unrealistic to expect that love will last a lifetime. She explains how we feel like failures when the love we have dies. We also “[experience] crisis and inadequacy when the love we had dies”. Kipnis believes that this anxiety is a result of expectations and demands surrounding love. As a result, love can become a “beacon for hope” but also “your worst fear” when you are trying to live up to the expectations of society. Kipnis believes that the pressure that people feel when they are unable to meet society’s expectations for love is what makes them commit adultery and have mid-life crises.

Kipnis believes that adultery is a way to escape the confinement of modern love. Adultery is seen as a failure and a reason to be ashamed. Kipnis states that such people “want a change”, are “wanting to restart” or are “wanting something more than they currently have”(Kipnis). They are then punished by the society and even shunned if they do not meet its expectations. She believes that they’re not bad people, but individuals who have been affected by the pressures and expectations that come with love. Kipnis is surprised that society thinks “that love and sex could be obtained over decades by a single person” (Kipnis). She says that the society’s huge assumptions cause confusion and marriage problems. It is also the expectation that partners will communicate and comply with each other which leads to adultery. Kipnis says that “domesticity is a complex process that requires a lot of compromises and adaptations to prevent mayhem”. This means that both partners must listen to one another and reach constant agreements to stay happy together (Kipnis). She explains how, in today’s society, both partners are expected to give up their love and compliance to maintain a healthy relationship. In order to understand what is wrong and what both partners need, they must communicate constantly. Kipnis claims that we lose our own individuality in relationships. This is paradoxical, because it is something we would never want to give up. The more we are forced to follow the rules in long-term relationships, the further our individuality is eroded. The rules we are subjected to are often things that we are forbidden from doing. They are not just limited to the kitchen, bathroom or bedroom. But the reward for our compliance is worth it. Kipnis would say that an adulterer is one who will not tell you the truth. The adulterer represents the response to love’s loss of uniqueness. Kipnis suggests the reason for this is because the ideals of love are unreachable.

Most people can’t imagine a world with no love. Kipnis depicts most people seeing a world without love as a “void” and that everything else is just tap-water. This creates pressure to find someone and hold them at any cost. Many people turn to mid-life and adultery as a way to release themselves from this enormous pressure. Kipnis believes that these people are not shameful people but rather a reflection of our ignorance regarding love.