It may seem like a simple question, but you should think twice before answering. Do I know myself or must I rely on how others perceive me? When a question is followed by another, the possibilities for answers and ideas expand. Each choice we take reflects our identity and values. Every day we make decisions about what to do. For example, we decide what to eat and wear, whether we go to work or to school, or if we take the bus to the destination, which is only 3 stations away. We make choices based on what we consider ourselves to be as people, including our values and those who have influenced us. Our family is one of the most influential. Even on the long-term, we still need to make choices and decisions. In order to achieve what you wish to in your life, you must define who you are. Is this even possible though?

I was born in Philippines, a country where the society is known for its collectivism. Filipinos are most loyal to their extended family. The majority of Filipinos from the middle class to lower classes will be obligated to help support their parents, their siblings, their nieces and their nephews once they have finished their education. Some students, especially those from lower-classed families, will immediately start looking for a job upon completing their secondary schooling to help support their family. In the same way, my aunt moved to Germany to improve her family’s life in 15 years. Experts say that society and culture are important in shaping a person’s personality. My family is a major influence on my identity. I have lived my entire life in Metro Manila (also known as Manila), the Philippines’ most populous city. My life was spent in the most populous urban area of the Philippines – Metro Manila or also known as Manila. When I arrived, I was surprised by how affectionate the Germans are. In my first days, I was surprised to see couples kissing on the street. In my homeland, it’s hard to tell that couples are dating if they display their affections in public. But even though this practice is socially accepted in the United States, I believe it to be inappropriate. It should only have taken place during private moments. Social media has made it easier for people to adopt other cultures, but I think the values instilled by their parents cannot be easily changed. My strict, run-away grandmother raised me from birth while my single mother worked long hours as a laundrywoman at a hotel near the Manila International Airport.

My mother was the sixth child of nine children. They grew up in a 25 square meter home and had very little. Even though they lived in a difficult environment, her family always managed to have three meals on the table every day. After my mother was grown, she worked any job that would help her survive. She worked at various jobs, including a vendor, housekeeper, laundrywoman, and nanny. But she was never a mother until my father met her and I was born. It was when I turned five that I began to ask my mother why she would leave me out of her sight, before I had even woken up. She never returned to the house at night. She answered, “I work hard for you to have milk.”

My grandmother would come to visit me on Sabbaths (but only when she is in the mood). My grandmother was from Mindanao in the southern part of the Philippines. People there are known for being authoritarian, perhaps because they were influenced by Muslims who dominated the region before the Spanish colonized it in 1565. She was a teenager of 14 who fled from her poor, ethnically-iron-handed parents when her father was abusive and nearly killed her. She was the same as her parents except that she drank alcohol. The classics that my grandmother used to punish me for breaking her morals were long umbrellas with thick rubber soles, her favorite plastic hard hangers, or anything else she thought of. She was authoritarian, but she taught me to value everything I had. She always told me and her cousin that she and we were very lucky to have the opportunity to go to University and get an education. My grandmother’s discipline and my mother’s humble beginnings helped me to become the person I am today. You will never have an easier life, but you can make it better by working hard and having values you care about. It was two women that taught me the values I have today.

This Aristotle quotation is mostly used to prove theories by social specialists. My identity is shaped by my culture and my family. Despite not being with my own family company all the time there are certain people that I feel have shaped my identity, especially in the long term. I distinguish them as colleagues and friends. The colleagues that I know only my visible or explicit aspects. My colleagues are the friends I made in college, in my university and in institutions where I was. We talked casually for some time, but I don’t call them that. Friends are people I have known over the years. They may even include my relatives. The people I call friends have not only known the surface of my character but also my hidden emotions. They have greatly influenced my social abilities, especially in handling conversations with people of different backgrounds. Since I grew in the Philippines’ capital, my culture identity is very limited. We still follow some traditions and practices of people from Southern Philippines, thanks to my grandmother. Since I moved to Germany, I have not been exposed to a multicultural environment.

English is my second-language, and it’s been hard for me to communicate with those who do not speak my native language. Despite only being here for six months, I have noticed that communication is very different. One is humor. It was the first time I ate lunch with her and two German colleagues. As we were discussing something I made a joke in order to spice up the conversation. It was awkward because my aunt’s employer didn’t understand the joke. I find it easy to communicate with people from other countries.

My empathy, which I attribute to the difficulties my family and I faced, helps me to better understand people. This is why I have different expectations of how well-informed or understood other people are. Samovar Porter McDaniel (2010: p. 3) stated that family members are the ones who most influence a person’s sense of identity. They can teach them about culturally accepted beliefs and values as well social roles. This statement is true. I always consider my grandmother and mother’s teachings when I am in a disagreement. Knowing my worth in getting into a relationship, staying grounded, and learning household chores are all things I have learned as a woman. As well, the people and situations I’ve encountered have shaped my current self-identity.

You can define your own identity when you acknowledge the things that have shaped it, such as culture, society and ethnicity. Seeing the whole picture can sometimes be confusing. However, with time we’ll learn which factors we value the most. The values we hold will be evident in our behavior.